Being Myself

Which, right now, is A Large Lady.
Not a Large Lazy Lady.
There is a misconception that large people are lazy. I'm not lazy. I work a full time job. I work out. I take my son to school and activities. I attend school. And I'm working on a novel.
I've always struggled with my weight, but over the last 5 years it has really gotten the better with me. I have always had issues with emotional eating/binge eating. And don't let anyone tell you there's no such thing as a slow metabolism. I am hypothyroid and don't respond to thyroid meds. I produce enough T4, but it doesn't convert to T3. I have a lot of problems with my genitourinary system. I am also on lithium, which caused me to gain about 15 pounds when I started taking it. Why not stop taking it? Have you ever been around a bipolar person who stopped taking their meds? Case closed.
Let me say this. While the weight piled on over the last 5 years, I WAS EXERCISING THE WHOLE TIME! If I hadn't been exercising, I might weigh 500 pounds. I don't know. What I do know is that I've gained 50 pounds in the past 5 years. And it doesn't make me happy.
So what do I weigh? Why, 95 pounds, of course.
Ok, liar! Try 195.
Boy, I even wish that was true. Ok, enough lying. I weigh 238 pounds. And I'm 5'5" tall. If it weren't for the fact that I'm actually reasonably muscular, I would look far worse than I do. And I'm really not thrilled with the way I look. But I'm aware that if not for exercise, it would be far worse.
For those of you who are feeling superior because you aren't overweight and are thinking of leaving a hurtful comment:
Stuff any fat jokes you may be thinking of making up your ass. Believe me, any ripping on heavy people that you may want to do to make yourself feel better about your own inadequacies (like your small brain and lack of tolerance) we have already done to ourselves.
For those people who are nice and weren't thinking of doing such a thing, sorry for the hostility. Sometimes that oozes out from under my normally friendly if snarky demeanor.
I'm trying the new Slim Fast plan. It's much more sensible than the old one. I may be able to stick with it.
Believe me, I refuse to starve or eat anything that tastes like cardboard. Been there, done that. And there will be times that I'll go "off the wagon." When I'm at my parents' house on Sundays, the diet goes out the window. I don't want to have to explain myself or berate myself into passing on the inevitable dessert. Friday nights out with friends can also be difficult, depending on where we go. But if I can tweak my eating habits the rest of the time, who knows?
What frustrates me are the times that I've tried to talk to doctors about my endocrine problems and they tell me that all I need to do is eat less. I really think there's more going on than that. But I will try and stick (for the most part) to this plan. So far it hasn't been too unpleasant. I will keep you informed. Because if this works I will die of happiness.
Hey, they say that diet is DIE with a T on the end, after all...
Wish me luck!
Peace,
The Cheesemeister
Who will still eat cheese.